Women go through both physical and emotional abuse, they face neglect, they have to run when they don’t want to and they give their all to someone who won’t even acknowledge her. Taylor Swift wrote the songs ‘Better Man’ and ‘Tolerate It.’ Better Man being about a woman finally leaving the relationship after being unappreciated in the times he had her, and Tolerate It is about a woman observing everything about her partner, looking for the slightest amount of love for her, but she can’t ever see it.
It takes seven attempts to leave a toxic relationship. More than ten million women experience domestic abuse in the United States. Around 245 million women, all ages 15 and up, have been abused by intimate violence from their partner in the past year.
The lyrics of Taylor Swift’s song, Better Man, reflects a woman that is trapped in a relationship, the only thing stopping her from leaving is her love for him. She gives all of herself into the relationship, being the best she can, however he isn’t able to say that about himself.
All he sees is the attachment she has to him, having the thought that he can do anything in his power to push her away and she’ll still hold on to him. She has all of this permanent damage on her that she can’t get rid of, but she still can’t leave. But the best thing she’ll ever do is run.
You constantly think about how it was in the beginning. The sweet words, the affirmations, the flowers, it all replays in your mind making you believe it could be like that again. Now you’re being talked down to, the blame is always on you and it’s never on your terms. It’s like a game you are constantly playing but you can’t get out of it.
Tolerate It, the song that Taylor Swift wrote about a one sided relationship. The woman watches him, observing everything he does, hoping to see signs of affection, but she never finds it. She wants to experience his evidence of his love for her, but there’s never a slight act of love shown. All she wants is his attention, giving him her love and energy and showing that she is worthy of love, but it never works.
Now she’s gaslighting herself. Maybe I’m too needy. Am I asking for too much? She feels like she’s the problem and she needs to change herself to get him to acknowledge her. It’s not that she is being treated poorly, but the love she is giving to him isn’t being celebrated like she knows it should. She should be validated, the effort she is putting in should be seen and thanked for. She understands her worth until he makes her forget about it. Anything and everything she does will always go unnoticed, it’s like she’s just existing in his life, she’s not being appreciated.
The women who relate to these songs are either currently living in the moment of the emotional relationship, or they are experiencing the grieving, inner pain from the aftermath of the relationship. They are struggling to face the fact that they are being ignored and unvalued. You can tell yourself to leave, but what happens when you miss them? What happens when you start to regret your decision?
It may be uncomfortable to leave, and it will be really difficult, but what is stopping you? The love you have for someone who won’t know who they had while they had it, won’t even compare to the person you’re going to meet and marry. Leaving is hard, but staying in the relationship is harder.
